Almost every parent wants the best for their child. But sometimes we demand so much from our children that they simply cannot live up to our expectations. In this situation, you can use another tactic: “leave the child alone” and start with yourself. How to do this is briefly described in this article. We offer you seven basic tips that will help change your family relationships for the better right now.
Raise a human being, not a “champion”
We should not strive for our child to be the first and the best in some areas, but for him to learn to implement his plans, control himself, and communicate with people.
Learn to listen and hear
A conversation with a child is a version of “difficult negotiations”. We need to look closely at every detail, hear every word in order to understand the “partner”. But it is important not to overdo it with techniques: when there is no real empathy, real emotions, techniques will not only not help, but, on the contrary, will harm, cause irritation and only increase the distance between us and the child.
Allow to choose friends
The child is growing up and wants to choose who to be friends with, tries to break out of the circle of “selected and marked” children that we have outlined, who are brought to birthdays and other holidays. We must give him this right.
Set boundaries of what is allowed
Children need boundaries, limits, to know what is allowed and what is not, and to understand how to behave. If we do not designate them, the child will feel them himself, through trial and error, and this can cost both him and us dearly.
Punish less often
Punishments should be used only if there is no other way out. Any method of influence works better the less often it is used.
Allow more often
If children are not forbidden everything and everyone, they will ask permission, which means we will be aware of how they use their freedom. Permissions strengthen parental authority no less, and even more, than prohibitions.
Teach to make independent choices
Our task is to cultivate decisiveness in children from the earliest age: to teach them to choose consciously, taking into account the consequences, to see the possibilities of choice, its pros and cons, to evaluate alternatives.